Comedy Poetry's topics - tribe.net

Happy New Year!

Jon — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 22:49:38 GMT

Happy New Year's!!!

Wishing everyone a wonderful year!

take care,

Jon

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Miscellaneous

Jon — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 06:11:06 GMT

Comedic poetry site:

http://www.funnypoets.com/

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Haiku Songs

Jon — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 08:18:51 GMT

Tom Wilson - "Haiku Songs" (Stand-up Comedy)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwnqUmmJ-zE

(Tom Wilson was "Biff" in the Back to the Future movies...the bully always trying to get Michael J. Fox)

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Self-Publishing Resources

Jon — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:19:03 GMT

these two look interesting:

www.blurb.com

+++++

https://www.createspace.com/

- a subsidiary of Amazon.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Jon's Comedy Poems

Jon — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 10:20:37 GMT

Ode To Mr. Mango That I Love

I love you, Mr. Mango, I do.
I love you, your sweet tropical joy electricity on my tongue.
I love you, Mr. Mango, I most sincerely do.

I love you because you are nice to me
and you are friendly to me
and you never speak a bad word about me,
I love you sooooooooooo very very much Mr. Mango, my dear dear dearest bestest friend.

O Mr. Mango, you are my joy!
O Mr. Mango, my love for you grows with your ripening on the old plastic cart next to the fridge that barely works hooked up to the Staples power bar with the coffee stains on it.
yes, I love you Mr. Mango.

I love you Mr. Mango because you are kind and nice and caring and friendly and humble and gentle and considerate and orange inside and sweet and giving and caring and friendly and juicy inside and I will even forgive you for having that big weird pit inside that makes you look like you have more meat inside than you do, but I forgive you Mr. Mango, because I know that deception is not part of your nature and you would never deceive me Mr. Mango

because you love me.

And I love you Mr. Mango
I do.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 3 replies

Bratwurst Haiku

Jon — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:16:23 GMT

Bratwurst Haiku:

http://www.jsonline.com/entertainment/29356774.html

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Hopping Lederhosen Poem

Jon — Sun, 03 May 2009 18:59:49 GMT

Hopping Lederhosen Poem

done with a visual presentation of the hopping lederhosen - here's the link to see 'em:

http://www.mcphee.com/items/11138.html

and a You Tube Clip of them in action:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6tfrDNZEmo

By Jon xxxxxx

with Lederhosenette L xxxx

O Lederhosen!

O

O How much I love you, my lederhosen, O!

You hop, therefore I like you.

You hop, therefore I love you.

I love you because of You,

I love you for the You who you are.

For you,

are my hopping Lederhosen,

And I love you.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Shakespeare Parodies

Jon — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:34:45 GMT

http://www.shakespeare-parodies.com/

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Iowa Summer Writing Festival

Jon — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 22:55:29 GMT

I have heard very good things about some of the Mid-Western writing conferences...I think this is one of them, but not entirely positive...

thought I would pass it along

(I have no connection with the group)

Iowa Summer Writing Festival
The University of Iowa

http://www.uiowa.edu/~iswfest

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

"Saggy Maggie" by Jay Luna

Jay — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:31:39 GMT

"Saggy Maggie"

This poem is an ode
To the ugliest bitch ever
I might sound like a jerk
But my words are so damn clever...

I don’t gotta know her
I don’t wanna either
She looks like a bear cub used her face for a teether

It HURTS to watch "Batman"
I’d rather eat squid
She looks like a walking, talking Garbage Pail Kid

Ah, the movie is ruined
I can’t bear to watch
She wouldn’t even look good after one quart of Scotch

Well, now we all know
Why The Joker went nuts
He stared at her too long and got emotional cuts

Like, just look at her face, Scoob
It’s starting to sag
So why is The Scarecrow the one wearing the bag?

In the scene where Bruce kissed her
I had to rewind
’Cause I swore I heard him muttering "Thank GOD bats are blind."

Two-Face stood alone there
When he got sad, and cried
But the audience jumped up and fuckin’ cheered when she died

She’s uglier than George, John, Ringo & Paul
Someone please throw a sheet over Maggie Gyllenhaal!

J. Luna 2008

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Bad Haiku

Jon — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:50:08 GMT

http://www.badhaiku.com/

posted in Comedy Poetry - 3 replies

"Bored Again" by Jay Luna

Jay — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:28:22 GMT

I woke up one day, in the middle of sea
How I ever got there, I dunno, beats me
Floating on a raft made of fresh, bloody meat
It sucks because I got my favorite shoes on my feet
Ow! ‘Wonder how I got this big ol’ bump on my noggin
The last thing I remember, I was watchin’ some chick joggin’
Stuck without food or drink, just drifting on a wave
Looks like I’ll be heading to a watery, deep grave
Here come the sharks now, curious, circling all around
Oh, well. That’s fine. I’d rather just be eaten up than drowned
Before I go, just wanna know who dumped me in the sea
Down comes the wall, and I recall the guilty one is me
I needed a good challenge, was gettin’ really bored
And that’s when I remembered that I brought along my sword
I yelled out to the sharks and said “Come get me if ya wanna!”
I reached into the pile of meat and pulled out my katana
The sharks leaped toward me all at once, I slashed in all directions
They each survived but every shark is missing several sections
A fin here, a tail there, I’m not that mean a guy
‘Just find it more effective than a mere punch in the eye
A shark-attack was all I needed just to calm my nerves
Now back to shore so I can find that chick with all them curves

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Jeffrey Ross

Jon — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:17:03 GMT

The stand-up comedian Jeffrey Ross used to read a comedy poem or two during his act.

could not find a link for the poem I was looking for, but here's his MySpace page:

http://www.myspace.com/jeffreyrosslive

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Humor in Shakespeare (article)

Jon — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:28:13 GMT

just for anyone's interest...

http://www.enotes.com/shakespeare-atoz/humor-shakespeare

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Hmm

timbo — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:47:57 GMT

Fellow Comedy Poetry tribe members,

Guess my post and questions about what is funny and what is not funny, in my opinion at least, have been deleted from another tribers 'slice and dice the bosses poetry series' thread. Weird. I mean, I thought I was touchy for bring the subject up...but I guess I'm not the only one who has a hard time understanding the difference between trying to get to the subject of what is and is not subjective humor and poetry and what is not.

I currently do not see how deleting my commentary with regard to discussion what is and is not funny goes to forwarding the goals of the forum. If one believes something is funny, why not discuss it in an open forum rather than just PMing me and deleting my comments? Further, while the 'humor' depicted there may be humor, perhaps it also does not further discussion of what is and what is not humorous poetry to delete an attempt at reconciling the intellectual impulse behind a post and its affect on the forum with regard to comedy and humor...not that this forum is about that per se...but I do ask the question as to whether or not it is an appropriate topic to discuss in this tribe among the membership...given that I was PMed out of the blue by someone who was purported to be offended by my suggestion that their poetry might more properly belong in Dark Poetry or perhaps in Bad Poetry tribes.

I say this because in badpoets.tribe.net/ tribe we at least discuss why a poem is bad and how it might be worse, etc. Heck, we even criticize folks there if their poetry is too good! So, really, I guess I'm interested in finding out whether or not we are permitted to discuss whether or not a poem does or does not strike us as particularly funny and perhaps learn something about humor and poetry through such a discussion. If this forum is not for that, well, I guess it won't bother me much...although it will confuse me as to what precisely this forum is for other than a parallel blog for posting uncategorized prose. All this is not to say that bad poetry is not necessarily not funny.

This is not a slam on anyone. I am simply seeking to clarify why something might be funny and what context in which it would or would not be funny.

Best regards,
Timbo

PS Thank you for you time in considering the question. At the very least, we should all realize--which I do, BTW--that humor is subjective, sometimes extremely so...and that hyperbole is certainly also a time honored component in affective humor, etc.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 9 replies

Chicken Poetry Reading

Jon — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 13:14:38 GMT

http://www.savagechickens.com/blog/2006/02/chicken-poetry-reading.html

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Comedy Poetry Online

Jon — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:11:28 GMT

these seemed pretty good:

http://www.geocities.com/Krishna_kunchith/humor/poetry.html

I guess I like some corny stuff, but, I do actually like Ogden Nash:

http://www.westegg.com/nash/

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Hmmm II

Jon — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:52:18 GMT

that guy is just a troll, he has harassed other people before...

I've reported him to the Tribe Net staff

and asked for the techs to investigate him for using sock puppets and other trolling tactics to harass people.
I've given the Tribe Net staff my real world contact information and am fully open to them having access to all my online activities to prove that I am what I say I am.

I am perfectly willing to pull any jokes which others deem offensive (as long as all other jokes in that same genre are also pulled).

sock puppets (using multiple internet identities to harass people):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_sock_puppet

some more info:

Internet Trolls:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29

+++++++++

flame baiting:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flamebait

+++++++++

Trolling Tactics Used on MySpace:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/pcworld/20080630/tc_pcworld/147730

Jeremy Kirk, IDG News Service Mon Jun 30, 10:00 AM ET

One of the first social networking upstarts, MySpace, is facing continuing security problems that threaten to spoil many of the innovative features that make the site useful.
ADVERTISEMENT

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

LIFE in the Philippines

Jay — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 00:47:57 GMT

"LIFE in the Philippines"

I feel like a toasted bun
Everyday in the blazing hot sun
There's sweat in my eyes
I'm surrounded by flies
And clean water... It does not run

I went to the grocery store
They've never heard of toilet paper before
Wondered how I would cope
'Said "Use your hand and some soap,
We Filipinos are very poor."

So I ran to the nearest phone
I said "Mom, would ya please take me home?"
I've gotten much thinner
Pig's blood is for dinner
And I don't see the dog at his bone

She said "Now son, relax.
I'm sending you a fax."
It said "Hey dude!
Sorry, you're screwed!
Hope you put bread in your tracks."

Now I'm broke and I'm on my own
So, I tried to go get a loan
At a place called "Ernesto's"
Got 500 pesos
It bought me an ice cream cone

So then I thought like a Filipino
And I went to the local casino
Put 40 on black
'Till I got 800 back
Said "Screw y'all, I'm goin' ta Reno!"

So, I thought I was finally free
But these jerks have an exiting fee?!?!
They said "Go find a wife
'Cause you'll be here for life
Build a hut by that coconut tree."

- J.Luna

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

"ALL KNOCKED UP..!!"

DEANNA MORE — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 13:17:45 GMT

.
aka..."A Happy Hitch'n Day...( The Shot-Gun Way! ) "

OH-H-H......
The half-ton'll be crowded with m’’ family and N-laws.
Rid’’n down the highway, all sit’’n on bales of straw.
Headed fer the CHURCH! (Such root’’n, toot’’n fun!)
Clyde ‘‘n Nellie’’ll be hitched, before the setting sun.

Pockets lined with pennies, saved in a pickle jar.
Packed a picnic lunch and Joe brang his guitar!
We’’ll stop along the way, fer a Square Dance or 2
Kicking up our petticoats and yell’’n ““Howdy Do??" ....

....To all passer-bys, who are a-gawk’’n and a-stare'n.
At the Wedding Dress, that Nellie’’ll be wear’’n!
On the day she marries...her handsome Mud Digger
And Grampa'll be grump'n, with his finger on the TRIGGER!

Chorus....

“Darl’’n, sweet darl’’n! Why’’s yer Grampa, so upset?
I’’ve luv’’ed yah since Thanks Give’’n! The day we met!
We’’ll live near a swamp, in a shack, built for THREE.
And ride an ALLi-gator... thru life, Fancy Free! '

-----------------------

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

"Deer DOCTOR PHIL....

DEANNA MORE — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 07:37:12 GMT

.
Deer Doctor Phil.........

The wrinkles need iron'N, OUTa my PITY-VUL, pitiful life.
Instead of LUCK, I’ve had, more than my share of strife.
I think I shudn’t be sharing, a TON of troubles with YOU.
But, yah look like you kin handle it. - What are yah? 8 foot 2

I’m sitting here a-weeping in m’lacy Wedding Gown.
Now, tattered n’ torn, from all...m’running around.
Bullet-WHIPping that KOOLy Gurl, cur-va-shus Miss Gump.
She flirted wit m'Clyde! Now, thar’s a BULL’s Eye, on 'er rump!

I did m’best to TEACH ‘er, with 50 rounds of Buck-Eyed Shots.
“NOT to tease a nervous Groom, who’s about to tie the KNOT.”
M’wedding’s now on HOLD! Gee...it’s up-TEEN hours late!!
But, that’s the least of m'worries, sitting on m’plate.

M’handsome Mud Digger, the MAN, I luv so much,
Has up’d and “left the building” and...LEFT me in a clutch.
He’s 50 miles OUTa town...(M' Grampa saw him THAR).
MESS-N wit a FLOOZY, with bleached blond hair !!!!!!

I'm writ'n to Ann Landers!
......So, fer now, I'll say good-bye!

Signed,
Sincere-leee,
Quick Draw!!....Nellie Bly

.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

Challenge

zuzanna — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 20:29:20 GMT

Peggy wrote something that starts with "As I've grown older, I've found..." which lead me to write my "3 cents". What have you found as you've grown older?
Peggy, I hope you'll add yours too, as it should be the first one really.
Hope you all join in!
So hear we go:

As I've grown older, I've found it dandy
To wake up in the morning and feeling randy
There's nothing better
Than early bird pleasure
Not even a long and juicy candy.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 5 replies

I ain't dye'n my hair, NO MORE!!

DEANNA MORE — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 02:12:29 GMT

“I ain't DYE’N my hair, NO MORE!
Thar's NUT’n in LIFE worth dye’n it for.
I’m no Cinderella! So, why shud I care..
The size of m' HIPS or the color of m’hair?"

It's GUN tote'n, she-REBEL...Nellie Bly,
Burn'n things owned by dat CHEAT’n Clyde.
Into the flames go..his Mud Dig'n Gear.
"No need to keep stuff, if he ain’t here!”

“My mirror reflects a WOMAN who can..
Survive on her own...without a MAN!”
The fuzz on m'legs is stay’n rite THAR!!
The sign on m'shack sez...“Men, BEWARE!”

“Heart broken, I was, when he left that day.
On a bus head’n...down yonder way.
I died inside, but..“I ROSE FROM THE DEAD!”...
DO’n 90 on the 105!.. GO’n full steam ahead!!!"

"I’m MAN-less and FREE and unattached!
(‘Cept fer m’ young-un, still to be hatched.)

.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Hi, I'm Hairy

Jay — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 17:20:32 GMT

I wish I was hairless
From the neck down
'Cause I look real silly
Like a wig on a clown
They call me "The Wolf Man"
When I go out in shorts
I'd be made fun of less
If I were covered with warts
I pluck and I shave
And I wax and I trim
But it's back the next day
Yes, much thicker than thin
Oh, I wish it were so
Then my mom won't complain
How the bathroom gets flooded
When I clog up the drain
How I wish I were normal
Yes... Smooth like a beak
Oh, why must I be such a hairy-ass freak???

-J.Luna

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

I DARE YAH...!!!!

DEANNA MORE — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:40:49 GMT

I dare yah... to write a poem beginning with the line...

"Now I lay me down to TAN......"

-----------------------------

I'll start it off wit my little....
"Rhythm & Rhyme"...thing-a-ma-gig!

Here goes....

-----------------------------
{{high squeaky voice}}

"Now, I lay me down to TAN,
Sip’n on a 10 oz... cold Beer Can.
Swing’n on a hamock, ‘tween 2 Palm trees.
Luv’n m’ LIFE and...enjoying the breeze.

Sun’s as hot as dry grass, ablaze.
I start thinking of m’younger days.
Toil'n long hours for barely a dollar,
Work’n as a "smelly" Sewer Pipe Installer!"

--------------------------------

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Ramone

Jay — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 18:17:51 GMT

There once was a midget named Ramone
He was sad 'cause he was short and alone
But then came along
A cute dwarf in a thong
And guess what, six inches he'd grown

-J.Luna

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Mike's Head

Jay — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 18:06:54 GMT

As he walks down the hall,
People tumble and fall,
Like pins as they're struck by this big bowling ball
Mike's head is okay if you're twenty feet tall
But damn! His body's the size of a doll!
And even those poor students trying to crawl,
Went flying and got blasted straight through the wall!
No offense, Mike, we're friends
But I thought you should know
That big head of yours has just got to go!

-J.Luna

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

New tribe!

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 11:59:14 GMT

http://tribes.tribe.net/revolutionizedversion1/tribeallposts?action=DeleteTopic&topicid=32d3232d-5d53-4286-94db-feafa3edca22

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Ditt Datt Doo

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 03:13:51 GMT

by my 9 month old daughter

da da da dit dit t, t, t...
da da dit dit datt doo.
da da doo,
(yawn)

mim, mim, ma ma ma ma
(pause, looking about)

ahhhh, ahhh (grunt)

(whispered) eh, ah, ahhhh.

dit dit ditt datt doo.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 2 replies

Cat Tongue Poem

Justus — Mon, 14 Feb 2005 18:20:37 GMT

there is a cat that watches me pee
leaning upon the toilet to see
his big green eyes say "You're the Man!"
i think my cat is my favorite fan.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 9 replies

Online Comedy Competition - Win $7,500

Stewart — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 01:27:04 GMT

Win $7,500!

It’s free to enter and it will only take 10 minutes

ABOUT THE COMPETITION

So you want to be a waiter? Oh sorry, a comedian! Today's Blue Plate Special Advice: Enter the Bix.com :60 Sitdown Comedy Contest early and often. Hey, if you're any good (and get the most votes) you could win $7500 bucks! That's a lot in the old tip jar. Then be sure to email the link to your finished video to all your coworkers and customers at the restaurant and get THEM to vote for you. And lay on the guilt - especially if they are lousy tippers.

GET TO A COMPUTER AND GET STARTED

Visit www.bix.com and look for the “:60 Sitdown Comedy Competition” links. Register with Bix (it’s free, secure, and fast. You will need access to a computer with both a microphone and webcam.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Edgar Allan Porn

tiaiya — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 10:43:47 GMT

I posted this also in "Hot Wax Poetic" but I have just stumbled across this tribe, and this seemed like an equally appropriate place for it...

Once upon a screen-lit morning, as I wandered, drunk and horny
Through many a sick and twisted website of “hot XX galore”—
While I right-clicked, pop-ups clanging, suddenly I stopped, haranguing
The stupid browser for its hanging, hanging as it loaded porn
“’Tis heavy traffic" I muttered, "other perverts who explore—
Only this and nothing more.”

Indistinctly I remember, maybe was it last September
I had first spied this perfect haven of no-charge hardcore?
I’d been at the bars a-hopping, trying for saliva-swapping
With the lovely creatures flopping, sopping sweat on the dance floor
With those hot, seductive creatures populating hip dance floors
Meant for me, alas, no more

Unfulfilled and unrespected, badly frustrated and dejected
Myself (and other losers disinclined to hire a whore)
Disenchantedly returned to our respective homes, apartments,
Duplexes, condominiums, or best friend’s floor
To the lurid, sleazy broadband comfort of unbridled porn
Only this and nothing more.

Lost in reverie I waited for the page to be translated
From its ones and zeros into something visual I could adore.
Though the status bar’s completing seemed instead to be retreating
Distractedly I sat repeating, beating time with heel to floor,
“’Tis only online traffic hogging up their server’s store
Perhaps they’re running NT4”

Alas, it soon became apparent bigger problems were inherent
Since the page remained aberrant, not displaying what was sworn
By the hyperlink I’d trusted to deliver what was lusted
To deliver glorious, sordid velvet volumes of delicious porn.
Clearly now that message could be read which all abhor
Quoth the server, “404”

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Tribe Clewe!?

timbo — Mon, 13 Jun 2005 05:31:59 GMT

Simple <-> Suzen <-> ruben <-> You

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

The Wipe Fantastick

WorldRob — Tue, 17 May 2005 06:00:16 GMT

We have an intersting plumbing situation in our house down here in Mexico. Long story short, we can't flush any toilet paper without serious consequences. So we've installed a delightful little pressured water squirter by each toilet, sort of like a manual bidet (sp?). Well it works GREAT - not to mention, it's very invigorating... However, it's always a little akward explaining it to guests. So my roommates wrote this little poem which we framed and put by the kamode. :)

Our plumbing is simply fantastic
If all paper goes into the basket.
Should it go down the drain
The pipes it will strain
With results that could be quite drastic.

When you’re sitting there on the loo
Smiling ‘cuz you've made number two,
Give your bare butt a treat
Squirt the hose 'neath your seat,
‘til you’ve blasted away all the poo!

A washcloth to dry us is handy
We really can’t stay wet now, can we?
Your butt will be neat.
This technique can’t be beat!
Try it; you’ll feel fine and dandy.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Rage Revisited

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 18:40:47 GMT

Hi Everyone, Im new here. I love being funny in my poems, so here goes.

smoke packed beer
can tipped honky-tonk
band ’s four cowboys
and cowwoman wail
trancing tequila-rubbered feet
i childishly sway as
wino ’s wiggle walk
ignorant bony elbow slam
into my shoulder
without noticing.
that ’s gonna Bruise.

been here once before
nine years ago, tenth grade
my age forced me to sway
stink glazed man of over twenty-one
to smuggle me a Zima

now I slam a five down
guinness draft please jay.

Uneasy Glares over bar ’s corner
recognize.crinkled hair
pointed glasses nose
and finger. Artificial Grin.

Jennifer Tiffany. From Hampshire High.

Abhorrence.
locked down behind softened memory
becomes dormant. epic.
revived by small town coincidence
becomes fresh bitter despise. instantly.

cellophane smiles
suffocate familiar faces

how arreee youuuu

fine you fucking bitch.

oh its been sooo loonnngg
hugs
don ’t you remember
slamming my hair
into your fold-top desk
and snickering as I shamefully
ripped nine year old locks out.
had to get it cut
looked like a boy for weeks

How’s jason travis
fingerbanged me
Behind the bleachers
wanted a more popular date
took the prom-cab
to your snob-abode
hoped he ’d knock
your uterus up plug
you permanently coat
your frilly reputable name
with sore disguist guilt disgrace

oh you look sooo ….different!
I see you decided to shave your legs

and you never grew
cultured mind
tactful wording
sincerity genuine kindness
thoughtfulness profound Self Discovery
or breasts

posted in Comedy Poetry - 5 replies

Shower Lover

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 18:48:35 GMT

i've decided that
What We Do
is better as
a dry ground dance
not a slick ceramic
shower Hazard.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 2 replies

Welcome Alan

jsnmatson2005 — Sat, 12 Feb 2005 02:54:34 GMT

Please join me in welcoming Alan, a new member to the Comedy Poetry Tribe!

We've been stupidly silent for a while Alan. Perhaps you're just what this tribe needs to get going again. :)

Hip Hip Hooray!!

Jason

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

Limericks sorta

glenwells — Sat, 11 Dec 2004 22:08:07 GMT

There once was a cat named Shadow
who liked to play with play-dough
"I think I will fashion a mouse
and chase it all around the house."
"Mmmm, that tastes kinda funny,
I will just have to go hunt bunny."

There once was a Frog
from Prague
The Toad,
if kissed by a Princess, would turn into a Prince
I am told
now whenever he see a young Miss
he asks for a kiss
and says, "Czech please!"

posted in Comedy Poetry - 3 replies

The Most Disturbing Issue Ever.

pixielay — Tue, 18 Jan 2005 20:53:39 GMT

Hiya Kids,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Pixie. I am Canadian and anything you want to know , please just ask.

I am going to cut to the chase and let you all know why I am posting. I need your help. I write for a mag in LA and I have been assigned the task of interviewing someone for our March's issue,"The Most Disturbing Issue Ever!" (The subject line makes sense now, doesn't it?)

With that thought in mind, I would like to interview someone who either runs a disturbing website or writes dirty comics or something. Think you're up for it?

If so , please reply here or feel free to email me

pixie.lay@gmail.com

Have a spankeriffic day!

Pixie

posted in Comedy Poetry - 9 replies

Jason off line..

jsnmatson2005 — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 18:01:55 GMT

Hi Fellow Jesters;

Rob and I are taking off for a few days. So be sure to talk about me behind my back so I know you all love me. M-kay?

Loving you, Meaning it!

Jason

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

F*ckin Freezin'

Jess-my-pet — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 07:32:13 GMT

an ode (of sorts) to this $#%*(#) cold-snap we've been having up here in Alaska .... ick-tacular ...
************************

F*ckin Freezin'

Oh it's bad, you knows,
When it's ten-belows,
And you've lost yer nose
And your tits just froze.
And the car be cranky
And you'd give a thanky
For a nice hot dranky
And perhaps a dose
Of whisky, hot,
Or a quaff-o-brandy
From a friendly St. Bernard:
That would be dandy.
Oh frozey froze froze,
I guess and suppose,
My place is inside
Where in warmth I shall hide,
And wear 6 pairs of socks,
And get all kinds of shocks,
From staticky kitties.
And I'll mourn for my titties.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

Welcome Marshmellow!

jsnmatson2005 — Sat, 11 Dec 2004 05:20:57 GMT

Sticky Sweet and oh so neat! :)

posted in Comedy Poetry - 6 replies

Birth of a Drag Queen

jsnmatson2005 — Mon, 20 Dec 2004 22:36:47 GMT

Teetering on the edge of insanity
Trying to find a center of gravity
Cutting off my circulation
In order to make this declaration
About my queen-born ability
To walk with such fabulosity
Though this gown’s a monstrosity
My hair, a curiosity
There’s much about this lofty gait
That I did not anticipate
Like how the swinging of my hips
Counters the sway of my fingertips
Who knew there would be such an orchestration –
A body in concert – a standing ovation!
And every step another encore
Deliriously shouting, “More! More! More!”
And suddenly, the world is new
I’ve never seen it from this point view.
Amazing the difference a few inches can make
To change the reality which I now create.
And though my feet are squeezed like stumps
Inside these six-inch stiletto pumps
A testimonial I must profess
How wonderful it is to be a boy in a dress!

posted in Comedy Poetry - 4 replies

About Lisa

jsnmatson2005 — Mon, 13 Dec 2004 03:53:28 GMT

Hi gang.

I just posted a new poem to my personal photo album called LISA (picture #11 in my personal profile). I didn't put on our tribe album because It's not meant actually a funny poem. But I guess it depends on you're point of view.

This was a real on-line profile by a real girl somewhere named Lisa. I just used the text from her profile to create a poem about her. At first I was going to make it funny, but it didn't really turn out that way.

Anyway, I'm curios to see what you all think. :)

Thanks,

Jason

posted in Comedy Poetry - 4 replies

Suckin' up to the moderator ...

Jess-my-pet — Thu, 16 Dec 2004 12:43:09 GMT

'k - this ain't exactly brilliant, but I enjoy the idea of writing poems from other people's profiles .... will have to try more, when I'm not working on papers for my ... you guessed it ... finals.

*ahem* this poim is called "Jason"

Jason's the man,
With a thing for flan
And rabbit holes and Alice.
And words that rhyme,
And beats that time,
He has some poems to tell us!
So grab a drink,
Sit back and think,
And brace for the surprise!
For poems by he
You can *ac'tually* see.
You won't believe your eyes!
I tried to make
This poem take
A much more funny tone;
But it's late you see,
And I just can't be
Perpetually "on!"
So now I'll close,
And curl my toes
And get back to my work here.
But a'fore I've gone,
I'll thank Jason,
For allowing me to shirk here.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

Cograts KIM!

jsnmatson2005 — Tue, 14 Dec 2004 17:51:08 GMT

Cogratulations KIM for winning the 20th Member prize of a poem written about her using her profile for inspiration. So here it is:

ROCKSTAR OF THE FUTURE
by Jason Matson 2004

Kim sings in the privacy of her shower
writing poetry and making art with power
This proud owner of a vagina
says Ellen Degeneres couldn't be finer!
Walking in the cold being silent with a friend
There's no better way for a day to end
Unless it's with Jared, then what the hell,
Get a little nutty, might as well.
With so many kids always around her
their friendships and laughter completely surround her.
For Jolie and DeFranco she surely will gush
but best stay away if you voted for Bush!
She's the rock star of the future Baby!
You can be sure
With tattos and piercings she'll hit the stage floor
She'll be on Leno and Letterman then
And we can all say, "we knew her when."
So cheers to the Comedy Poetry Tribe, member 20
It's Kim! And we adore her plenty!

posted in Comedy Poetry - 2 replies

Finals (per Jason's request - a repost from another tribe)

Jess-my-pet — Sun, 12 Dec 2004 03:22:36 GMT

And a hello to you all - sorry it took me so long to get here ... I was (you guessed it) smack dab in the middle of ....

FINALS
____________
Oh finals suck, oh yes they do,
They suck so long and hard.
They suck in green they suck in blue,
They suck the long-dead Bard.
They suck when talking linguistics,
They suck when talking art,
They suck when talking gothic lit,
They suck until I fart.
I fart with spleen,
I fart with bile,
I fart just for the spite.
I fart when writing term papers
All through the deep dark night.
I fart and scratch and piss and moan
I read other's tribe posts.
I wish that julie'd cook for me
So I wouldn't have to eat toast.
I wish Sharkpup would sing me a song,
I wish Calvin'd make me a cardigan,
I wish Dani'd write another poem,
That'd make me laugh so hard-again.
I know that I have been remiss,
But finals have been sucking
the life out of my brain cells, and
The only word left that rhymes is "fucking"

posted in Comedy Poetry - 3 replies

New Members!

WorldRob — Sun, 12 Dec 2004 10:57:49 GMT

It's great that we have 19 members in our tribe! Hey all you new members, please feel free to say hello to the group.

I wonder who will be lucky member #20.

We should see if we can write a funny poem about member #20 when he/she arrives. Fun! I wonder who it will be.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

Be Sure

glenwells — Sun, 12 Dec 2004 04:42:02 GMT

On my way to San Francisco,
I was making biscuits,
wearing flour in my hair.
But when a chef making eggs benedict,
betrayed me,
I had to laugh and share.
Lon Chaney was not a real werewolf,
but when shot by Kit Carson with a silver bullet,
he died just the same.
Adam Clayton Powell is in no way
related to the Lone Ranger,
but he played one in Congress.
Little known fact:
Harold Lloyd learned to tell time,
by holding its hands.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

I love the new pic-poem

WorldRob — Sat, 11 Dec 2004 17:22:59 GMT

Very cute new poem in the tribe album.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Good Morning Tribe

jsnmatson2005 — Sat, 11 Dec 2004 16:52:46 GMT

Hope everyone slept well.
Now don't miss the breakfast bell,
Get yourself some coffee an toast
then come on back and write a post. :)

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Bus Pass

jsnmatson2005 — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 19:58:19 GMT

Jason Matson 2004

I see him each morning
Hot guy on the bus
His beauty is borderline torturous
He boards at the corner of Broadway and Denny
And dreams of him boarding me are many!
I try to hard keep the isle seat free
In hopes that by chance, he’ll sit next me
Maybe today will be the day
When I can turn to him and say
“My name’s Jason. I’m single – today.”
Yeah right! Like that’s ever gonna happen…
If he ever said “Hi” my pants, I’d be crappin!
But still I can’t help
How I swoon and I melt
The smell of his cologne
Alone can give me a bone!
Perhaps I’m better off if I just stay home.
But wait, what’s this I see?
He’s looking right at me!
Now he’s moving in my direction
Oh God, I hope I don’t get an erection!
I gingerly move my backpack aside
And gesture to him to sit for the ride
My stomach in knots, will he take the bait
And decide for today to be my seatmate?
First a nibble, a bite, then hook line and sinker.
He slides in beside me and gives me a winker.
I’ve got to say something! Think fast, now’s your chance!
Oh what I wouldn’t give to get into those pants!
But before my two lips were even parted
My butt cheeks clenched and I loudly farted.

The end. :(

posted in Comedy Poetry - 3 replies

Santa pic haiku

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 04:29:54 GMT

Death of innocence
black stone - fat elf monument
who will bring me gifts?

posted in Comedy Poetry - 4 replies

Picture #3

jsnmatson2005 — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 05:28:28 GMT

I just added a new picture for inspiration. Any takers???

posted in Comedy Poetry - 5 replies

A friend sent this to me - don't know who wrote it.

jsnmatson2005 — Sat, 11 Dec 2004 00:15:22 GMT

For women everywhere........

Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow
near her castle.

The frog hopped into the Princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome Prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young Prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and setup housekeeping in yon castle
with my Mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy
doing so ."

That night,
on a repast of lightly sauteed frogs legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled to herself and thought:
I don't fucking think so !!!!!

posted in Comedy Poetry - 4 replies

Folicles

glenwells — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 22:31:13 GMT

as you can see I once had long hair
when it got cut
I was truely lightheaded
if I were a woman
I would not cut my armpit hair
because
as a man
I do not cut my armpit hair
I once shaved my legs
it was scary
not all of it grew back
there's not much hair on the chest
thanks to the Cherokee
I think I should grow the hair long again
the dizziness is starting to make me sick

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

Bus Pass

jsnmatson2005 — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 19:54:59 GMT

I see him each morning
Hot guy on the bus
His beauty is borderline torturous
He boards at the corner of Broadway and Denny
And dreams of him boarding me are many!
I try to hard keep the isle seat free
In hopes that by chance, he’ll sit next me
Maybe today will be the day
When I can turn to him and say
“My name’s Jason. I’m single – today.”
Yeah right! Like that’s ever gonna happen…
If he ever said “Hi” my pants, I’d be crappin!
But still I can’t help
How I swoon and I melt
The smell of his cologne
Alone can give me a bone!
Perhaps I’m better off if I just stay home.
But wait, what’s this I see?
He’s looking right at me!
Now he’s moving in my direction
Oh God, I hope I don’t get an erection!
I gingerly move my backpack aside
And gesture to him to sit for the ride
My stomach in knots, will he take the bait
And decide for today to be my seatmate?
First a nibble, a bite, then hook line and sinker.
He slides in beside me and gives me a winker.
I’ve got to say something! Think fast, now’s your chance!
Oh what I wouldn’t give to get into those pants!
But before my two lips were even parted
My butt cheeks clenched and I loudly farted.

The end. :(

posted in Comedy Poetry - 0 replies

Good idea for a tribe see also this one

timbo — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 07:51:38 GMT

Hey, thanks for creating this tribe!

This is a tribe for all types of poetry that I'm currently a semi-active member of--it currently has approximately 75 members...

http://badpoets.tribe.net/

I'm posting info about your tribe there right now...if you haven't posted there yet. I bet you'll get a membership boost in a few hours!

posted in Comedy Poetry - 1 reply

Poetry Challenge

jsnmatson2005 — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 01:04:07 GMT

Just to get the ball rolling, here's a comedy poetry challenge for you:

See if you can write a comedic poem about picture #2 in this tribe's photo album.

Have fun!

posted in Comedy Poetry - 14 replies

My Bedroom

the_evil_twin — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 05:15:29 GMT

My bedroom is an awful mess
but this, I'm sure, you can already guess.
Rotten apples and a few brown grapes,
things that have lost their normal shape.
Open my closet and down things will crash,
geez! I've got too much trash!
Don't even dare look under my bed,
I'm sure if you try it you'll find yourself dead.
Someone call the X-files,
and please, hand me a broom,
I may need their help to clean up this room.

posted in Comedy Poetry - 3 replies