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Deer Doctor Phil.........

The wrinkles need iron'N, OUTa my PITY-VUL, pitiful life.
Instead of LUCK, I’ve had, more than my share of strife.
I think I shudn’t be sharing, a TON of troubles with YOU.
But, yah look like you kin handle it. - What are yah? 8 foot 2

I’m sitting here a-weeping in m’lacy Wedding Gown.
Now, tattered n’ torn, from all...m’running around.
Bullet-WHIPping that KOOLy Gurl, cur-va-shus Miss Gump.
She flirted wit m'Clyde! Now, thar’s a BULL’s Eye, on 'er rump!

I did m’best to TEACH ‘er, with 50 rounds of Buck-Eyed Shots.
“NOT to tease a nervous Groom, who’s about to tie the KNOT.”
M’wedding’s now on HOLD! Gee...it’s up-TEEN hours late!!
But, that’s the least of m'worries, sitting on m’plate.

M’handsome Mud Digger, the MAN, I luv so much,
Has up’d and “left the building” and...LEFT me in a clutch.
He’s 50 miles OUTa town...(M' Grampa saw him THAR).
MESS-N wit a FLOOZY, with bleached blond hair !!!!!!

I'm writ'n to Ann Landers!
......So, fer now, I'll say good-bye!

Signed,
Sincere-leee,
Quick Draw!!....Nellie Bly

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