"LIFE in the Philippines"

I feel like a toasted bun
Everyday in the blazing hot sun
There's sweat in my eyes
I'm surrounded by flies
And clean water... It does not run

I went to the grocery store
They've never heard of toilet paper before
Wondered how I would cope
'Said "Use your hand and some soap,
We Filipinos are very poor."

So I ran to the nearest phone
I said "Mom, would ya please take me home?"
I've gotten much thinner
Pig's blood is for dinner
And I don't see the dog at his bone

She said "Now son, relax.
I'm sending you a fax."
It said "Hey dude!
Sorry, you're screwed!
Hope you put bread in your tracks."

Now I'm broke and I'm on my own
So, I tried to go get a loan
At a place called "Ernesto's"
Got 500 pesos
It bought me an ice cream cone

So then I thought like a Filipino
And I went to the local casino
Put 40 on black
'Till I got 800 back
Said "Screw y'all, I'm goin' ta Reno!"

So, I thought I was finally free
But these jerks have an exiting fee?!?!
They said "Go find a wife
'Cause you'll be here for life
Build a hut by that coconut tree."

- J.Luna